Blessings in the Mundane....

I was thinking back on some favorite photographs that I have taken and shared through the years.  Suddenly, I am hearing my Savior, Jesus, speak to me how He blesses even through the mundane tasks of life.  After all, who wants to wash dishes, right???  Yet, in those quiet times where we start to feel most down, after all who wants to scrub the toilets, right?  In those quiet moments, the Lord can make us feel like the most regal person in the universe.  There is no doubt that those two tasks are very necessary and life will get really nasty quick if you do not deal with the dirty dishes and dirty toilets.  I really find it amazing how many times I have been on my way to a sinkful of dirty dishes and look out the window and life changes to - let me go get my camera or where's my phone? I need to take a picture of this - it's beautiful.  Or, a thought flits through my chaotic brain and the Lord reminds me, He's got it all under His control.  

The thought for this blog posting came yesterday, and life has just been so busy that we put off the most important one.  When we take the time and just sit down with the Lord, He blesses our socks off.  I hope you will enjoy some time with the Lord, today, right now in this moment, and that He blesses your socks off.  There is truly no one like him.  Another new song given to me as I took the time to just sit with Him in our secret place.  

Let me give you a peak in to the journey of a special place where I spend time with my Savior Jesus Christ.  No one paints like Father God and no one creates like Father God.  Thank you for the sacrifice of your son, Jesus, to save a wretch like me.  Sharing a few of my favorite pictures through the years.  

 

 

Howdy Neighbor!!!

                                               Perspective and Perseverance...

So I decided to make myself a hat....The first attempt is the one to the left in the above picture.  I followed the instructions.  I did everything the pattern said to do with the exception of  having the size of hook that the pattern stated to use and maybe the yarn was of larger size but not so large as to make the above size hat.  I actually used a smaller size hook.  I knew about halfway through that there was a problem.  This hat was going to be huge and the predator from the movie "Alien" could wear this hat and it would fit them.  My husband encouraged me to finish the project.  I was going to stop and try to put elastic in it to make it work.  So out of fun, I finished the project.  Hubby modeled it, and no I cannot share the picture LOL...but it looked like a hat for a King.  You know, one of those really big ceremonial hats that the big Kahuna wears.  If you remember Johnny Carson and the big turban style hat he would wear at times...This hat looks similar.  

I decided to try again with modifications made.  The second attempt is the hat pictured on the right side in the above picture.  When taking the above picture for size perspective to share the results with my children, the Lord started speaking to me about how you can follow the plans to perfection. You can do everything correctly and it still not turn out.  Just because you do it all correct and right, it can turn out all wrong.  But when I  redid the hat, I listened to that quiet voice that said, "Stop here, crochet more here, put this here..." etcetera, and I got a really nice hat.  Perspective and perseverance.  Don't give up, but listen to the Lord.  And by listening to Jesus, it's going to turn out and it will be better than you ever thought it could be.   Following what the Holy Spirit says to do, and it's all going to work out! 

I love the hat and I'm not a hat person.  They usually bother me, irritate me and it's so bad that I usually do not wear them.  I wore this hat all last night and even slept in it because my head had been hurting and I felt like I was just cold which was causing the pain.  The hat fits so well, and for me a no hat person, it looks better than most hats that I buy at the store.  

Perseverance and Perspective

So it's been a while since I have....well, like everyone, trying to survive.  As soon as one thing ends, some other disaster happens.  For a while now, the Lord gave me a word.  Just a word and whatever was happening, the word applied.  A lesson being learned...what Jesus was teaching me to walk through; let's just say that the last season has really been what felt like walking through the flames although I have to say I'm not burnt.  I may be a little singed, smelling of ashes but not burnt!  THANK YOU GOD!  

In this new season, it seems I have been upgraded from one word to now, there are two words resonating very loud in my thoughts.  Perseverance and Perspective.  The cute little kitty up there is our new cat, Ace.  He is a very smart little guy to be a cat.  Ace has a brother, Slim.  Slim is an orange tabby.  Weird how you can get a Tuxedo kitty and an Orange Tabby out of the same litter, right?  One of God's wonders of the universe.  So we had them neutered for, well, they're male cats, for gracious sake.  Can we say the testosterone has been flying around our house.  Currently Slim is trying to dismantle my phone charger.  Stop that!  See...See WHAT I MEAN!!!  

So somehow in caring for the patients, we do not know whether Ace bit himself, or Slim bit him in a scuffle.  The recovery was going well.  Then BAM!  Ace was not feeling so well or acting himself.  My wonderful hubby took him in to the vet and, this truly was a God thing.  The vet said that they did not see anything and Ace rolled over.  As he rolled an abscess ruptured.  Now if you have ever had an abscess you know what vile, nastiness can be in that kind of wound.  A God moment, the abscess ruptured right there in the vet's office where it could be dealt with appropriately and correctly.  "Dear God, really?  remember Missy...the enemy attacking saying "see, it's going to happen again.."  and we're shouting "Shut up, Devil!  No! It's not! and you're not touching our kitty."  

So now we are in after care of a draining, wound cleansing, drainage tube put in, and things were going great.  Ace was meeting all the milestone markers:  1.  Peeing, check. 2. Pooping, double check.  3.  Eating, Check. 4.  Drinking water, check.  Great, things were going great!  Then Bam!!!  Day Five of  after care and trying to keep kitty happy, not an easy thing to do while they are caged and collared:  Ace somehow ripped out his drainage tube instead of waiting patiently for his next visit which was three days away.  Really?  REALLY???  Gosh Ace, what were you thinking?  

So a trip back to the vet, but great news -  It was healing well.  There was no infection and things should go well except now we have another week added to keeping kitty caged.  Perseverance and perspective.  Well, the kittens are calling.  I hear litter slinging in the background as one is pitching a fit while the other one is receiving care and vice versa.  If it's not one, it's the other one.  Oy!  What were we thinking?  And I hear again perseverance and perspective.  It really is like dealing with two small toddlers who find numerous ways to get up to mischief.  But, God is faithful and as each situation arises, Holy Spirit answers me to what is the next step.  As I peruse the event that just occurred and am thinking "Now, what am I going to do?"  God is so faithful to give me a thought and a small quiet voice saying, "Try this..."  Perseverance and perspective.  Never give up!  Never give in!  

 

 So I knew this day was coming - and I have not been looking forward to it...

First things first, I apologize for the length that this blog posting is going to be...buckle up, and hang on for the ride, it's going to be long.  

 To tell this true tale, I have to go way back before anyone ever knew of the current v i r u s that gets people banned and censored....

After the birth of my second child, so many years ago, I found myself in a roller coaster ride of mood swings. I went to my physician and they offered me antidepressants.  I said, "No thank you," and walked out the door without looking back.  I never wanted to have to take over my own healthcare, but it was one of the best things I ever did for myself.  Yes, I have made mistakes, but I have also gained knowledge which helped me when I caught the  Um hum virus kind of rhymes with wu ha n vi rus.  

Still many years ago, due to my misdiagnoses or shall we say a system that does not treat the 'root cause' of disease processes, I progressed in declining health with a myriad of autoimmune issues which finally exploded in to MCAS otherwise known as Mast Cell Activation Syndrome.  This one is a real fire cracker.  It makes life a burning raging inferno of allergic type reactions to just any and everything and everybody.  The least little whiff of a scent (think chemicals including cleaners and sanitizers, perfumes, deodorants, shampoos, soaps, on and on, and on it goes.) These cleaners and sanitizers are where I am trying to get to here in this saga.  

Before coo fid hit, I had been doing research on chemicals to try and find an answer/cure to my 'health issues.'  I ran across an article from some science publication which spoke of the dangers of everyday house cleaning sanitizers and cleaners which if I come within 50 ft. of them I can find myself out breath, going in to panic mode because I cannot breath or take a deep breath, feeling like I am going to pass out, immediate swelling of my abdomen, painful stomach cramps, racing heart beat, sometimes breaking out in a rash, but the not being able to breath or take a breath making walking very difficult with a dizzy head and the feeling like my world has just been turned upside down.  It's awful!  It truly feels like you are dying and everyone is looking at like - 'What's wrong with you? I don't see anything.' Or worse, 'stop faking it.  There's nothing wrong with you...' Both of which are hurtful and wounding because yes, you have lost all ability to function as a 'normal' person.  Sometimes, it brings on incontinence like 'Baby, there is no holding this stream back.'  How embarrassing!  No issues with incontinence to sudden loss of all muscular control with ensuing accidents.  Embarrassment to the max!!  

Well, I can see I'm still trying to get to my coo fid experience.  It's important in the fact that while I was in the hospital diagnosed with the said famous virus that the whole world knows about now, I was exposed continuously to these cleaners and sanitizers that were already an issue to me.  Along with bad reactions to those products, I also was given what we now know is the 'Killer Protocol" Remdesivir.  Yes, I am a survivor...in more ways than one.  

While admitted with a pulse oxygen saturation rate of 78% and a diagnoses of coo fid and underlying pneumonia, I was placed in a negative pressure room with above said 'sanitizers' and along with that my room was very close to a public restroom that was cleaned every half-hour to 45 minutes.  The importance of this is being in a negative air pressure room was that every time the door was opened to my room all those cleaners (smells and scents) otherwise known as off-gassing came rushing in to my room meaning I was exposed to even more of these hazardous chemicals on top of the chemicals I was continuously being exposed to as a patient in a isolated negative air pressure room.  See, I told you this was going to be long due to all the little details.  It's the little foxes that spoil the vine.  Yes, I was isolated, no one allowed in to see me.  

Another minute detail here is the fact that because I already was so sensitive to everything, I had to be very careful with what I ate.  I had issues of porphyria showing up in my lab test and this illness is what let me to have to watch my diet to limit iron exposure as my liver was already complaining and had been for a couple of years before this event happened, the coo fid event that is...

So my first day in the hospital I had to, as an extremely ill person, explain to the head of the diet and nutrition department why I could not have certain foods.  I spent a minimum of 45 minutes on the phone telling her what I was allergic to, sensitive to, and all of that to be totally ignored and it was labeled as 'patient's preference' rather than 'patient knows patient reacts to said food' which is why I do not eat it.  It really is very frustrating to be discounted and not heard or listened to when you tell them it is something that does hurt you.  Ingredients like carrageenan, palm oil,  have to keep iron below a certain percentage, cannot have any of the vitamin enrichments like Vit. D3 palmitate because I react to it.  I did not order a dinner and they order for me.  The first meal arrives and it is spaghetti and meatballs; and yes, I was hungry.  I have already learned to go slow and sure enough two bites and I can feel my face going up in that ever so NOT NICE histamine reaction, face tingling turning to stinging turning to if someone is with me will ask me if I'm okay because my face is beet red and my cheeks feel very uncomfortable like a burn peel mask.  I had already told the dietician that I did better on an autoimmune protocol diet meaning no nightshades.  Well, I'm pretty sure the tomato sauce on those meatballs violated that instruction.  I scraped as much of the sauce off those meatballs as I could and despite wanting to eat the noodles I knew the iron load in that pasta was going to be a heavy hitter.  I ate the meatballs and left everything else.  I picked up the lemon ice slush dessert that looked so good and I love lemon...and yep, first ingredient listed: Carrageenan.  I put it back down.  I called my wonderful husband and we arrange a way for him to cook my meals and get them brought up to me.  He had to devise a way to keep food hot for my dinner and put cool, things that would not spoil overnight for me to eat as my breakfast the next morning and this is the way I lived for over a week in the hospital as a patient.  They would call every day and ask and I would tell them, "Don't bother, my husband will bring my dinner." Let me also add here, this caused more worry and anxiety for my husband in addition to the fact he is not allowed to visit me.  After about the fourth day they stopped calling.  But as I had told them and they did not listen and if I had eaten their food, it would have added to the issues I was already having with breathing along with all the other inflammatory reactions.  It's hard to breath when you're having an anaphylactic reaction.  

It literally was a battle of choices and I am so glad that I had had an intensive, heavy-duty, and hard-hitting pathophysiology/human anatomy course in the recent past years.  I also had learned that, for whatever reason, orange juice was really helpful to me;  I do not know why except maybe the really high Vitamin C load and there are some people who do need sugar because their bodies (liver) cannot store glycogen.  The liver needs glycogen to function properly but like all the autoimmune (hormonal) issues something blocks those cell receptors and the liver cannot store what it needs properly and thus, when you need it you don't have it and again your body does these wonderful shut down processes to actually try and save your rear end.  It's not fun when it happens and being able to function becomes almost nil.  This is still a rabbit hole to be explored and is somewhat being explored but that is for another day to be told.  I can only say that since that time I have ran in to a physician that is helping me to recover.  Yes, I'm putting in a plug for Dr. Garrett Smith, otherwise known as the Nutrition Detective at www.nutritiondetective.com.  Due to his research and working with him as a patient, I am finding answers to physical ailments that have been around for twenty years or more in addition to helping my body recover from this last toxic round of healthcare protocols. 

They started my treatment protocol of Remdesivir, a heavy duty steroid known as Dexamethasone and respiratory therapy treatment.  I was put on an O2 nasal cannula without 'moisture' which meant it was dry and irritating to my sinuses.  Eventually, it was switched to a type with 'a humidifier'.  Being on the heavy steroid medication which, if you do not know, will cause your blood pressure to go up and your blood sugars to go sky high.  So the next battle was no you are not putting me on any blood pressure medications and you are not giving me insulin.  In addition, when I received my respiratory treatment medication, it seems liked that public restroom always got cleaned within 15 minutes to half an hour after my treatment.  I could breath easier after the treatment for 15 minutes to however long before the public restroom cleaning with my chest not aching or hurting.  This meant every hour on the hour I had only 15 minutes to half an hour of relief from the chest pain, tightness, achiness, weariness from struggling to breath...  The minute they cleaned that restroom, my chest would start hurting and it felt like a weight had been placed on my chest.  I would have the swelling in my abdomen and if I had eaten recently it would cause even more of an issue trying to breath.  It was miserable.  It hurt, and even with oxygen it was difficult to breath.  Then, the best I can recall, this was when they would choose to test my oxygen saturations to see if I could come off the oxygen and be able to be discharged.  They would tell me, "Oh, you're doing great." and like a carrot being dangled, I'd get my hopes up to be told "Nope!  You have to come down two or three more points.  Insurance won't allow us.  They set the standard (meaning insurance companies dictate the point level you have to reach)."  It was a detriment to my soul, demoralizing and made you want to give up fighting about that time a friend would text or my best friend, my hubby, would call and encourage me to keep going. I tried to keep myself upbeat and positive but it wore on me because I truly felt alone and by myself.  Oh yeah, when I was admitted, I was asked about my standing orders on power of attorney and end of life.  I was not given any choice, it was either you are on the ventilator or not.  You choose and if you choose not to be on the ventilator then I could not have CPR.  Usually you can choose to have CPR without ventilation which I would have chosen, but I was only given the option be put on the ventilator or not, I said, "No! I'll take my chances with God."  So I was placed on a Do Not Resuscitate order, otherwise known as a DNR.  No option for CPR or other things they can do aside from ventilation.  We now know placing a coo fid patient on a ventilator was/is an issue.

So back to the high blood pressure, high blood sugar, they said I needed the medications because of hypertension and diabetes.  Well, I do not have either of those condition and I knew it was the steroid causing the issue.  When they tested my blood sugar I had just eaten my dinner so of course my blood sugar is going to be higher because I had just eaten.  I also have enough diabetics in my family that I know proper protocol is to take a fasting blood sugar and having been diagnosed and living with 'hypoglycemia' since I was 14, I knew also, that I tend to go low.  The nurse took my blood sugar level right after I ate as I said above and then proceeds to tell me, "Your blood sugar is extremely high!  You have to have insulin right now!" while picking up a syringe ready, loaded and proceeds like she is going to give me a shot of insulin.  I told her, "No!  I am not diabetic and you are not going to give me a shot of insulin."  I furthermore told her, "if you want to test my blood sugar you need to do it correctly and take it tomorrow morning before I eat breakfast."  Thankfully she conceded to my wishes, yet acted kind of mad and dashed off with syringe in hand.  This was like the third day and I guess they were learning that I was not going to just let them do whatever to me... Some of them really seemed to appreciate that I had such a knowledge of how my body responds but others, not so much.  That being said, I kept telling them "I react to cleaners and sanitizers.  If you get those toxins out of my room, (those little buckets of  bleachy wipes, etc., stinky deodorant spray, etc.) (Look up hydroxychlorobenzine (sp?)) I'll do a lot better and probably meet that oxygen sat score you want so I can be discharged."  I knew I would do better at home away from their foods and their chemicals.  Their everything as a matter of fact....the stress of having to fight with someone over what you want done to your body.  Back to the blood sugar for a minute, the next morning a fasting blood sugar was taken and I had also told them to hold the Dexamethasone for the rest of the previous evening after the fiasco of a blood sugar taken right after I had eaten, and voila!  The next morning they tell me my blood sugar is 'normal.'  Do you know the dangers of giving someone insulin who does not need insulin?  It can kill them.  

So I noticed a pattern (can I just say, this is the one thing that keeps getting me in trouble - funny but  not funny) and I kept drinking water continuously.  They even commented on how much water I was drinking and told me to drink less.  It is probably the one thing that saved my kidneys.  The fact I kept flushing out those toxins they were giving me by drinking a lot of water.  What do we know about Remdesivir now?  Yea, it's horrible for the kidneys.  I literally had to plan my day and I could never eat more than two or three bites of anything whether it was breakfast or dinner.   First task was to make it to the bathroom, first void of the day, and so I could have a little more breathing room in my chest.  I know, it sounds crazy but I was overloaded with water in my body due to the inflammation caused by this continuous exposure to these chemicals and the steroids were not helping except that the steroids did help with my autoimmune issues.  I mean I lost some water that had been collected in my arms and legs, but it would not shift off my abdomen or chest.  Also in the evening time, about 9:00 p.m. they would give me the Remdesivir and they would give me something else at the same time.  I cannot remember what it was now.  It might have been the Dexamethasone.  I asked for them not to give them back to back to me because my body literally would heat up and get hot from the Remdesivir and, yes, it was the Dexamethasone...my heart would start racing like crazy after the shot of steroid.  Oh yes, now I remember, they would also give me a respiratory therapy treatment.  Talk about overloading someone instead of giving this medication here, this medication here, and this one here....No, let's combine them all and really cause a toxic overload.  Remember that DNR order yet overloading my body so my heart is racing and could have gone kablooey.  All the while there goes that public restroom getting cleaned or someone coming in to my room and they were required to put on the hazard suit and swab their hands or wipe with those sanitizers that were in the room with me.  I told them again and again I REACT, like as in have an allergic reaction, to those chemicals and cleaners.  They would tell me "Oh no... can't be that...those are safe."  Yea, right....we know now and I can tell personally how my body reacts to them.  

I told my husband and we told our prayer team and everyone prayed.  We prayed for a physician who would be understanding of this matter.  Well, after about the fourth to fifth day, I get a new physician.  Thank you, Jesus!  This physician, after speaking with them, tells me that their mother has issues although not as bad as mine, but has similar issues with reactions to things. They ordered the sanitizers be taken out of the room.  My blood oxygen saturation goes up...I can breath better, I feel better.  I can move better.  All major improvements and then that evening, another nurse tries to bring the wipes' cannister back in to the room.  I told her, "The doctor ordered those removed from my room.  Take it out now!  Get it out, now!"  I can hear someone outside the door talking to her (although I could not understand her and there was laughter) and her laughing as she is going out the door with the cannister.  I guess she thinks it's no big deal.  I found the behavior extremely unprofessional and insulting especially to anyone who has an issue with these types of things.  

In this, I had one angel of a nurse.  They brought me orange juice which I attribute the Vitamin C helping me.  They used to, in times past, use orange juice to treat high blood sugar.  And while finding out more on why this might not be a good thing in the long run, it was just what I needed at the time.  I thank God for His angels.  The ones who truly did care.  I have to thank those brave enough telling their stories for giving me courage to share my story.  We need each other.  We're all more connected than what we realize.  

After the removal of those cleaning agents from my room, I soon met the levels required for my release from the hospital.  It was a very stressful time.  I was scared and to have to be by myself and literally fight for my life against inappropriate malicious medical care where the caretakers have taken an oath to do no harm.  Most of them I know do not know and they trust their higher ups to give them correct information.  But the higher ups, they need to be held accountable for the lies and deceit, the twisting of protocols that have harmed and not helped.  

Revenge, I'm going to leave it to God.  I forgive them and I know He is more than able to take care of it for truly God wins!  More is coming out every day about things they have told us and we have found out it was a lie.  I thank God I'm still alive and I know truly I am a walking miracle.  My body is getting better.  I still have some residual issues with my kidneys after the Remdesivir, but even that is slowly improving with time and also the higher blood sugars that I have now thanks to the Dexamethasone.  Those are even starting to come down.  Thank you Jesus!  

Please see links below for more information on the cleaners and chemicals:  

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK590744/table/ch4.tab1/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/gtr/all/?term=4-Hydroxychlorobenzene

Do not confuse hydroxychlorobenzene with hydroxychloroquine.  They are two different things and one is good for you, the other is bad.  The one with "Q" in it is good, the one with "B" in it is bad.  Remember "B for Bad!"