Forgiveness, Anger, Bitterness Resentment...

Justice, Accountability, Truth, Honor Integrity!!!  

So forgiveness is something that is being thrown at me lately.  I'm like so done....so done with abusers who walk all over someone until they do react and then claim they did nothing. ...

I have pondered this and asked, and asked the Lord and brought it to the Lord again and again and it just keeps happening.  I know I will not have the time today to do justice and write what I feel like the Lord would have me say along with all the thoughts, look up the verses and such...But I am going to hand you these verses and ask you ???  I hope someone in the universe will answer because I just see no end to this torment...

Psalms 94:16 

Psalms 94:16

“Who will rise up for me against the evildoers? or who will stand up for me against the workers of iniquity?”

Isaiah 56 the whole chapter...but especially the first verse...Thus saith the LORD, Keep ye judgment, and do justice: for my salvation is near to come, and my righteousness to be revealed.

Everyone says, "Don't Judge...don't judge!!

I'm not really reading that here...

and then there's Romans 11...not quite sure, but it seems God is doing some judging there of people not standing against evil and wrong.  

I have also bookmarked Romans 16:17 

which is clear enough, but it is amazing what causes division, disagreement and strife now days...

Next we have James 2:8-13

and chapter 4

one thing I feel I have realized recently is that:

If you are hearing, seeing, feeling gaslighting - 

KNOW THAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH THE DEMONIC!!!

AND lastly, I have 1 John 1:8 and 1 John 2:9 to close out this short post...

Unfortunately, I think some use the term forgiveness as a means to continue abusing the person they're telling forgive to and then others really do need to forgive.  I just want to know the line between right and wrong.  Truth, untruth...it's always a he say/she say situation or put whatever combo you like there...but what's really on the line is truth and untruth, honesty or lies, frank honestness or frank lies, deceits and trickery.  I haven't gotten this far in my life by lying, I'm not about to start now.  

Looking for the Good While Not Compromising My Integrity... 

So, this morning I purposed to get up and choose to look at things and situations as they came up with a more positive focus.  You know, find the lemonade in the lemon type of uh, uh, thing...yea that!  

After receiving a text from my sibling-in-law that my other sibling-in-law who is not speaking to me currently wondered if I had called my parent-in-law, yes, the ridiculousness of it all and this is my life...  Now, this just happened yesterday.  I really did not ponder or worry or fret or any of those things over it.  I just texted back to my one sibling-in-law that - no, I had not.  And, I let my spouse know because it's important for them to know what the family is up to...WAIT!  What are they up to??? That's kind of bizarre, but being that the wind was blowing 90 to nothing and the power looked as if it was going to go out, well, there ya' go...my mind was on other things.  You know, like self-care because if power went out and there was nothing to cook and could I even get it cooked before the power went out as it was sure to do at this point.  Yea, you know, those hits that just keep coming at you rapidly and people wonder why you REACT!  So fast-forward to today, TA DAH!!!

I woke and said, "Self, we's gonna try to do better.  We'll focus on the positive.  We will not let this get us down before we have even gotten up."  After all, it was 5 a.m. and  YEAH, the power is back on!!!  We will count our blessings, yes, we will!  So I quickly washed up the few dishes I had to leave last night and made coffee.  Yummm...Coffee.  I am blessed!  I also let spouse know I was still alive and kicking, and I came to my desk and started sorting through things as I had stacked papers on top the laptop and had to get to the laptop to turn it back on after turning it off last night due to the 'windstorm.'  

As I was going through the stack of articles, recipes, health statistics, etc., cures for my woes, I ran across a review of a product that I had copied and saved for when I needed a laugh.  Look for the positive remember!  My mind started whirling, thoughts churning and  Shazam!  Here is a totally negative experience that somebody took, told the truth of the matter, and yet brought laughter to I do not know how many people by now.  The history lives on if you look it up.  If you are wondering what I am talking about go to Amazon and look up sugar-free gummy bears and read the product reviews.  Here, here is the link to one product but if you take time, you'll find different brands and all those fake sugar reactions.  I laughed and laughed...Guilty...but now you know why we are calling for truth in labeling.  Oh yes, let's look for the positive.  I have my own horror story to tell about an Atkins Chocolate Bar, intense abdominal pain, cramping, and passing out.  Thankfully, I did not have an accident in my pants by passing out, and was able to make it to the restroom.  But after that event, I care very much about food product labeling.  Hmmm, I wonder if what made my spouse have diarrhea on a flight was because he ate a red gummy bear???  Go ahead and have a laugh, we do now but at the time, it was not fun but is it the truth?  Yes! 100 Percent the truth.  No, I'm not going back to sue anyone.  But dang it, I want to know the truth and they just keep finding ways to lie.  

Then, I ran across another story I had saved.  It brought some healing and coping skills that I desperately needed when I ran across it and I find it still relevant today in light of the in-law situation.  It is by Toni Baldwin-Buss and it basically says how everyone loads Mom down with their problems.  It showed Mom responding in a calm manner providing answers and solutions.  It goes through a variety of scenarios and this mother does not lose her calm.  It gets to the end and basically says, Mom has learned how to let others be responsible for their own choices and actions.  If you're an adult, you are an adult.  Act as such.  Mom is not here to rescue you anymore.  The ones who were used to using Mom were speechless at Mom's response.  But after Mom stopped the enabling, the family began to function better.  Why? what happened?  Everyone in the family learned what it is that they need to do.  For those of us that care too much, we wound up being the responsible one for others.  It is time that those others learn to be responsible for themselves.  

Yes, I have found the positive.  I'm not compromising my integrity for your lack of being able to deal with reality.  I am moving on in peace.  I have forgiven.  I am not angry, bitter, or unforgiving.  I am just done.  

Now just so you are aware, I'm not directing this blogpost at any particular person or family member.  I'm just trying to let you know where I am at in my walk.  I choose to live life hereafter in the "Happy Boat."  I am inviting you to get in to the Happy Boat with me.  However, be aware I have standards.  I do not lie, cheat or steal and I do not control or manipulate to get my way.  If you do those things, save us both some time because I'm not going to be that kind of person EVER!!!  Just go on and leave me alone.  This is where I'm at and I'm in the Happy Boat!

Being in the Happy Boat is more of a mind set.  It's the I'm choosing to be happy rather than miserable.  I don't understand why you do what you do, to person causing offense and then blames the other, but I do not have to go with you or be there with you.  Yes, this is exactly where I am and it is a better place.  It is a positive place.  It is a forgiving place.  It is the real place and I can stand before Jesus and say, "Lord, I tried to live as you told me in your Word, the Holy Bible."  I accept the things I do need to change in myself such as 'stop looking for the fight.'  My reaction since I have been challenged on so many fronts of life.  Will I get there?  I hope so.  I also hope I get to bring everyone along with me on this ride, but unfortunately, I cannot make them.  It is up to them.  I am only responsible for me, my choices, and how I respond.  As my nephew, Greg, would have said, " Peace and Chicken Grease!"  There's not much better in this world than love, peace, and some kind of fried chicken...Most importantly, there is Jesus.  

A Fire Burns....

the minions of Hell ply on the thoughts...burn hotter, more, more, more...Jesus says, "Peace be still."  

In the midst of the fire, in the midst of the attack, in the midst _____________(yep, the usual fill in the blank...).  One more stuffing it down.  Not saying anything.  Not doing anything.  And BOOM, the volcano goes off!!!  The extreme point of being able to 'suck it up' and 'forgive' has been met.  No more!  No More!!  NO MORE!!!  The insult - what's wrong with her?  The talks and the lies rather than listening, consoling, showing love and compassion. 

The regrets, the endless questioning of 'why did you let that affect you so?' The acceptance that yes, you are accountable for your part.  But, BUT also acknowledgement that maybe you are being trained to help  so others do not have to go through what you went through.  The last thing I want as a Christian is to hurt someone else the way I have been hurt.  Maybe, although it is a hard thing for me to accept, but just maybe I do have a little more experience and a little more knowledge than you.  Real life experiences of pain, betrayal, broken promises, yea, like everyone else -  I got the T-shirt with holes in it.  

Choices - Forgive.  As a Christian, it's really not a choice.  It's an act of obedience.  Christ says, "if we do not forgive, our Father in Heaven cannot forgive us."  Ummmm, yea, I'll take all the forgiveness I can give.  So that requires me to forgive.  I am receiving some help in understanding why I am not responding in the usual way of forgive and move on.  I am moving on, but as I am moving on I desire better.  Better for myself and better for all I come in contact with....better for strangers I do not know on Facebook or Blogger, or where ever God directs my path.  

So God has, at various times in my life, used movies to bring home a point.  With that said, I found myself watching a great movie the other day.  A movie of someone who took the really bad thing in their life and used it to help others to understand the whys' and hows' of what they deal with in their life daily.  The movie I'm referring to is, "Front of the Class."  I cannot say that my physical ailments come anywhere close to what this young man deals with.  Did I learn something from someone younger than I am?  Yes, I did!  The point is - He set an excellent example of taking something really bad and using it to teach others so they would not punish some person for something that is totally out of their control.  Geez, that sounds like something that we could totally use right now, doesn't it?  Maybe all the cut throat managerial styles can start working on reversing the damage caused by the last, more than a few years of dog eat dog philosophy and start teaching the listen to understand philosophy and that you do not have to destroy others to succeed in your endeavors.  Everybody wins.  Yea!!!   

How do you teach that when you help others, it does not make you weaker?  But let's be clear about real help rather than enabling.  There are times where you do need to stop enabling.  But there again, you are going to help that person rather than hurt if it is true enabling.  Are we all doing the best we can do?  Are we holding something against someone?  Are we really running that race to the best of our ability?  

So I guess I exhibit a certain behavior that comes off as anger to others.  I have been accused of 'unforgiveness' and yada yada yada...I see, after someone listened to me and responded how I might have been trained to respond as 'looking for a fight.'  Let me assure you, the last thing I want to do is fight you.  However, when God is telling me to speak, "I'm gonna speak."  Why?  I fear God more than I fear you.  I also desire to please Him and Jesus requires obedience if you are following Him.   I have also found my peace.  I have found the example of 'teach others' so they can understand better and not hurt someone else.  I hope that the ears that need to hear will hear and eyes that need to see will see.   You never help someone by one upping them or getting something over on them.  Make sure you are not adding to the trauma that has already been done to them.  I have no desire to make someone pay or exact revenge.  That is not my place.  I will leave that to God because God says that revenge is His.  He will take care of it and as in ALL THINGS, I find God is faithful to His Word.  Trust Him.  He can and He will!!!  

I hope as always the next time you see me, you find me --- with my hands lifted high, shouting Hallelujah to Jesus, My Lord!  Or playing my instrument of praise, and singing "Holy is the Lord!"  I'm gonna sing, shout, and dance before my King.  I'm gonna lift my hands and praise your Holy Name, Jesus!  I'm gonna shout Hallelujah to Jesus Christ, my King of kings!