How Can I Help You Understand - Pain
I do not have to live there....
I was raised by a Christian mother who was very active about her faith. My earliest memories are of her helping others. She taught me that I should always put God first, others next, and my self last. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior at the age of six. I grew up and pretty much accepted the doctinral views that if something happened it was God's will for my life. That is...until my 17th year of life and the come to Jesus moment I had after almost dying from peritonitis, a really, REALLY BAD Bacterial infection.
If I ever watched anyone suffer with pain, it was my parents. They had issues that arose, like all people do, and it was their belief in Jesus Christ that carried them through it all. My father was not as 'public' about his relationship with the Lord, but after watching the cancer take his life - watching how Dad handled each difficult transition of what that dreaded disease stole from him, and the peace he had, I know without a doubt, he walked with the Lord. Not to mention he had quite the supernatural experience that we all got to witness as he was passing from this life to the next.
I was speaking in Part 1 of this blog post of the pain I have experienced and I have experienced pain. You name it, emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual. But the game changer for me - the moment where I realized that there had to be more to life was laying flat on my back - waiting to go in to surgery and talking to Jesus about the upcoming surgery, my life that I had lived for him before, and the life I wanted to live for him afterwards. This moment in time sent me searching for answers, for the power that I heard and saw talked about in the Holy Bible.
As I had lived most of my life in church growing up, I decided maybe I would search elsewhere for 'this power.' It was not where I attended church, but I knew deep in my heart those people loved the Lord and they were good people, trying just like me to love God and love people. This search sent me to bars, experiencing things that really I just should have known better but who is wise at age 18. No, you're not, you know you're not and you will find out if you are younger just how much you do not know when you get older. So just trust what your parents are telling you because they really do know. Yes, like all people, I had to go out and make my own mistakes.
As I was sitting in the bar, the Lord would speak ever so quietly in my ear saying, "You know, you really shouldn't be here." What I thought would bring the happiness I was searching for was not found in the bars. I saw people drinking and thought they were happy. I thought maybe by drinking it would somehow magically change me in to the charismatic person that others would like. I had already seen a lot of the bad alcohol could do in peoples' lives, but I thought, this must be what frees them and makes them so interesting. Boy, was that ever a stupid thought. Yes, I said it, a stupid, not just stupid, but stoopid thought. But the more I tried to go out and have 'fun,' the more the Lord would just quietly speak to me, " You know, you really don't belong here." The more I tried to 'party' the more withdrawn, unsocial, and quiet I became. The last thing I wanted to be was more withdrawn, quiet and unsocial. I remember coming out of the bar with a friend, the music had been so loud that I literally could not hear what someone was saying to me. And that was when I knew, my answer was not there or doing that.
Life has a way of and really that should be the Lord has a way of moving us to other things. Work became a priority, and I decided I also needed to try to work on losing weight. So I decided that martial arts would be a great way to lose weight and meet guys. Yes, like everyone, I wanted a spouse, partner....I was always basically ignored at church and really, not really understanding my Bible, I was looking. There again, as an older, wiser person, I can tell you now, don't look. God will have the right person there when the time is right. But back to my story, I worked, and I joined a martial arts school.
Pain, Oh pain! Blisters on the feet, and if I did push ups, my back would immediately go out. My instructor was a 7th Dan Black Belt at the time and his wife was a 4th Dan. Little did I know what I had until I moved away...They were, he has now passed on, but she is the highest ranking US American female Black Belt, Kwan Jang of the USCDKA. But that aside, she told me about a church across the lake. It was a small church not like the 'big 12,000 seat church' and I knew I wanted a homey, small, family - like church. I did not go for a bit of time, but I still attended my church where I grew up not really knowing what else to do but the Lord put a friend in my life who would invite me to events and conferences and through her, I went to the Big Church and listened to a teaching on the Holy Spirit and speaking in tongues. Being a Baptist, tongues were a 'passed-away' not for now type of belief. I didn't really know what to think since I had read in my Bible that if we believed in Christ we would speak in other tongues, lay hands on the sick, etc., etc.
So when they asked if you wanted prayer for tongues, I went. I had spoken quietly to the Lord in my mind that if it was something that would help me and He wanted me to have it, I would like to have it. If it was something that was not for me, and He did not want me to have it, I would be okay not having it. They prayed for me, and they instructed me what to do next, and...nothing. I thanked the Lord as instructed and I praised God, lifting my hands, but no tongues. I went home, but I had a great sense of peace. Afterall, I trusted my Lord, and I believed He knew what was best for me. I went to bed and went to sleep.
I woke up at midnight. I woke myself up speaking in tongues, and my life afterwards was never the same. My TKD instructor again invited me to come to the small church across the lake from the Big Church. I had attended the Big Church and knew that was not the place for me even though they are the ones who prayed for me to receive the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. I knew that tongues would put me out of fitting in at the Baptist Church. I also could not deny what had happened to me. I remembered laying in that hospital bed asking the Lord about His power, my life, and how I was to live my life.
I went to the Little Church and when I walked in to that place, it was alive. You could feel the static of an electric charge in the air. The people were really excited, and you could tell they believed their Bible and what it said. Verses that come to mind are: 1 Peter 2:24 - "By His stripes, you are healed." "We are overcomers..."; Christ came to destroy the works of the evil one. And I found a place where I fit in. The teachings of we can have healing and active faith where God desires to bless us. I wanted this because up until then, it was 'if it be your will, God.' Yet, my Bible clearly stated that it was God's will for me to be healthy and well, and to prosper. I thank God for this Little Church and the teachings they taught. They literally changed my life for the better.
My back would still go out, pain, and I was frustrated. Our pastor was very open to evangelists and others who would come through, and if someone was in error, he would explain why after they had left - always very clear Biblical instruction, straight out of the Bible teaching. No twisting scripture and no trying to make it say something it did not say.
I heard of a husband and wife team who ministered and taught 'healing' seminars. I went to this seminar and received teaching on 'being healed by God.' My walk of my back healing has been an ongoing process. I still have issues to this day, but, BUT it is not as bad as it used to be. My back would go out and two weeks to a month later, I would be able to return to normal life. After receiving prayer from this couple, my back if it goes out, only goes out for one day. Big difference from before. My chiropractor even confirmed it for me. I walked in for my appointment, and he said, "Something's happened! You're healed, aren't you? I can see it in your eyes. Well, come on, get up here on the table and we'll confirm it." I got up on the table and he said, "Yep. You're healed."
Healing in and by the Lord requires the fight of faith. I have to daily stand and say, "I am healed by His stripes." It is a daily battle. With the possibility of Porphyria and the MCAS, I take it a day at a time. I am learning wisdom - "My people perish for a lack of knowledge..." and I am learning when just to make my stand, "Healing is mine, the Bible says so!"
So, I did not want to leave my pain story at - Pain. No Hope...No healing! To do that would be a lie! I believe. I believe in the one who came and died so that I could have a restored relationship with God, the Father. He sent his son, Jesus Christ, who took all power and authority from the enemy, and has given that power and authority to us. We are to do His work. We are to lay hands on the sick and command them to be healed. We are to ....Read your Bibles. As scripture says, "Taste and see if the Lord is not good." "His burden is easy. His yoke is light." "We overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimonies." This is my testimony and I'm still living it out.
When pain comes, I stand and tell pain to leave. I command my body to line up with the Word of God that says I am created in His image, that sickness and disease is not of God...I tear down those strongholds that say it is hopeless. I live my life for God giving glory to Jesus Christ, my Savior, my Healer, my Redeemer. He leads my feet. He anoints my head with oil. He is my joy. He is my strength. He takes my pain. The battle is the Lord's, all I have to do is trust Him.
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, Jesus, that whosoever believes in Him might not perish but have everlasting life. (Debbie's paraphrase)
